Please note that the next few lines you’d read is not to assume I’m a perfect being or I don’t make the occasional mistakes mortals make or that all my thoughts and actions are the best possible in any given situation, in fact if anything, I am an epitome of imperfection. And of course as a mini-nerd, there’s always a tendency to err occasionally, say the wrong things especially to beings of the opposite sex. One thing I try to do though is to learn from every man as well as to learn from situations and from my past experiences.
The fact that our world is filled with intellectuals and mediocre alike has resulted in the inevitable fact that there’d be clash of opinions and ideas on sometimes relevant issues and sometimes on completely pointless/needless scenarios.
How to manage these situations goes a long way in determining how we’d be treated and rated in future circumstances. I pride myself on developing healthy relationships with people all around me, of course in my frequent moments of madness I say the things that cannot be taken back. Funnily these things may be true but the way in putting them I seem to get wrong in certain critical moments thereby putting strains on relationships I’d rather not do without.
What continues to elude me is that perfect response, that word or sentence fitly spoken akin to an apple of gold in a silvery saucer. Well before I trail off and disclose all you need to know about me in one day, let me focus on what I actually want to base this musing on: the importance of solid relationships.
Having read numerous books on how to deal with humans, been in the field for the better part of twenty four years, I think it’s safe to say I’m definitely going to have a take or two on the subject matter. Relationships one way or the other make or mar us, no matter how intelligent or successful we get, we always get to that point where reflections of our impact on people are the things we hold on to, they are the things that keep us going, make us sleep at night and give us the hope that a time will come when these seeds sown will yield in the manner in which they’ve been sown.
Anyone who has served in Nigeria with the National Youth Service Corps Scheme will agree with me that community development sessions can tend to be fun as well as tend to be an avenue to learn a thing or two that will stand one in good stead in life. So it was that after numerous weeks of jokes and disturbances and irrelevant/snide remarks by members of my CDs group, the time came for the elections and the character each contestant had built over time had to spring him to the position he wanted or bring him down, humbled beyond all expectations. I watched a lady’s political career at least for the moment take an irreparable hit. She finished her manifesto and the words of her assailant stung everyone’s ears: “I’m sorry to say, ever since I’ve known you, I’ve noticed you lack proper communication skills, you don’t know how to talk!” yeah! I know the English specialist reading this will criticize the latter part of that, wonder if she babbles or is mute for “not knowing how to talk.” I won’t argue with you. I guess all the assailant was intent on communicating was the fact that she lacked the know-how of how to address people politely.
Needless to say, she lost the election gallantly as she fought the tears back. Well, I believe her detractor was rather harsh in making that point in public despite not having called her to order before, perhaps to one corner if she’d offended her personally before. Bottom line though is that our little actions every moment, each day have a way in catching up with us. I’m not always unduly surprised when things happen to me good or bad or when someone treats me in one way or the other. It all boils down to how I’ve portrayed myself in the past.
My simple message is to watch your thoughts and actions. The numerous “eyes of witnesses” peering at us every second, some cheering us to victory, some others checking for our errors are certainly part of those things. Watch how you relate with others and at the same time ensure your moment of anger or weakness does not lead you to do or say things that could have a lasting and damaging effect. Trust me, it’s much easier to tear a thing apart than it is to build it.
So, I’ve learnt to say the things I say only when absolutely necessary because truly, most of what elevates or downgrades us is found in what we say.
Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open. – Elmer G Letterman